Title: Like a Fool in Love
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairings: Callie/Addison, Derek/Addison friendship, mention of Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: All characters, events, settings and situations mentioned in this work are sole property of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, in constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be defamatory or factual in anyway.
Author's Notes: This is an AU one shot based on the spoilers for next week. Again, SPOILERS WITHIN.
Summary: Addison wonders if she made the right choice leaving. Deliciously angst-ridden.
I've always been in love with you
I guess you've always known it's true...
She's trying to be professional. She's got an impeccable reputation, her mortality is equally so, she's more than able to work well and composed under pressure. But still, she can't help but feel like her world is crumbling down as she looks down on the bruises and the cuts. Her beautiful face. She's short of breath suddenly and she pulls up the nearest chair to sit at her bedside. Her hair is a mess. There was no second thought when she received the call, no time to make herself remotely presentable. She didn't even care or recognize to send someone notice of her leaving for a couple of days until her plane landed in Seattle. Thank god for private jets.
Tear stained and worried, she grips Callie's chard, the blunt edges digging into her palms as she stares, first at Callie's monitor. Then, the baby's. The door opened suddenly and she quickly redirected her eyes to the chart, tracing the already written notes with her pen as Derek walks in behind her.
"Hey," He greets her softly, then artificially busies himself viewing and reviewing monitors at noticing and recognizing what her posture and silence represent. Being married to the man for over a decade sure helps.
"Hey," She finally says when she finds her voice.
He waits another minute before pulling up a chair beside her. He recognizes this tension in the room. Addison upset seems to cloud the enviroment every time. It's been a long time since he's been responsible for this air of disillusionment, but he remembers it well.
They sit in silence for a while. Callie breathes in and out, unconscious, her baby resting safely in her belly.
"You're the only one that knows--" She finally breaks the silence, "--about me and Callie. I mean, you're STILL the only one who knows, right?"
He looks over at his ex wife, he watches her watch Callie and that look in her eyes, that look that used to be reserved for him a long time ago was somehow amplified in his friend and colleague's direction. He wonders how he was the only one to ever recognize Addison in love. Addison in love with Callie Torres. He teased her about it at first, until one night at Joe's, a drunken confession followed his playful quips, and it wasn't so funny anymore. Because something was holding her back. Something was always holding her back from happiness. He knew she was worried. About her friends. Her family. She worries too much about what people think, though she will never admit it and swear up and down that she is her own person and could not care less about opinions. Truth is, she hasn't been her own person since meeting Callie.
"Of course," He assures her.
She closes her eyes briefly, collecting her thoughts and her emotions along with it, then asks with fear, "Do you think she's going to make it?"
He knows better than to speak his professional doubts. Right now, he senses Addison's pain and therefore knows what she needs to hear is reassurance, "She's going to make it. Torres is strong. She's a fighter."
"Yeah she is." She agrees. After a moment's pause, she adds, "I thought I was pregnant a couple of days ago."
He's blatantly staring now, but her eyes remain glued on the woman in the hospital bed.
"Of course, I'm not," She then adds with an ironic snort and an eye roll, "It was just the flu. I don't know why I thought--I guess I just wanted it to be true. You know?"
"I'm sorry, Addison." He tells her, then adds, so she knows he means it, "I really am."
"I am, too," She answers, this time meeting his eyes. Briefly, she wonders what it would have been like to have Derek's child. She can tell by the mirroring smirk on his face, that he's doing the same, "We would have made incredible parents."
Instantly, both pairs of eyes turn back towards Callie.
Addison is suddenly filled with overwhelming sadness and regret all rolled into one. A sob escapes her and her hand flies quickly to silence herself. She bends over, face buried in both hands as she cries and she seems to settle a bit at the feel of Derek rubbing her back softly. She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, digging into the sockets until bursts of light worms crowd her darkened vision, hiccupping through her crying, she manages to mumble, "That baby should have been mine, not hers."
He stops and frowns worriedly. But it takes him only an instant to realize she's talking about Arizona.
"Addison..." He starts, squeezing her shoulder affectionately.
"I left because I thought I couldn’t give her what she wanted and it turns out we wanted the same things all along, and now she's with HER and I'm--alone, Derek..." She sobs, "...and what's worse...she's...she's, there unconscious and..." She trails off, unable to finish the sentence, completely out of fear that's slightly superstitious.
When she finally lifts her head, she wipes repeatedly at her face, and she feels a little like a sobbing child as she sniffles and dries her hands on her scrub top.
"You want to know the sickest thing of all?" She asks him with a pained smile.
"The three of us, Mark, Callie and me--having a child together? That actually sounds kind of ideal to me."
Derek's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but he chuckles anyway, "I've got to say, Addison, that is pretty sick."
She nods and wipes a stray tear away as he stands.
"Where are you going?" She asks.
He turns when he reaches the door and tells her softly, "Talk to her, Addison."
With that, he's gone and it's quiet again.
She's afraid to speak. All she can do is watch her breathe. It's a small assurance that she's still there. That Callie's still there. She hesitates when she lifts her hand. She's not sure she should take the liberty, but gingerly, she places a soft touch onto Callie's swollen belly. A soft kick triggers a jolt of bravery and she starts talking, "You're going to wake up, Callie. You're going to wake up and have this child and take care of it. This kid better look like you, I'm telling you right now. I don't know if you know this yet, but it's a girl. I think you know. Most mothers tell me they know." She pauses and draws in a shaky breath before continuing, "I never told you this but--I think about you everyday. I still love you, Callie. And if you come out of this, I swear, I will tell you to your face, whether you reject me or not, I promise--" Her babbling stops and she closes her eyes for a moment before standing up and leaning over to place a sweet kiss on Callie's cheek.
It takes all the strength she has left to walk away. She steps cautiously, stopping at the door to make sure she's put together. She can't afford to have anyone else see what a mess she is. Except, a sound stops her from opening the door and when she looks over her shoulder, Callie's eyes are fluttering open hazily.